Who Wants to Live Forever
by pandorabox82
Summary: A series of 17 stories that all deal with couples that were doomed from the start in the Harry Potter-verse. It begins with Lily and James Potter on Halloween 1981.
1. One Sweet Moment

Who Wants to Live Forever

A Series of Vignettes

#1: One Sweet Moment

by: pandorabox82

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Who Wants to Live Forever belongs to Queen. It was written before I was born, so I obviously did not write it.

Author's Note: Well, I have 155 days (as of today, January 16) to finish 90 fics. Is that going to happen? Not a chance in the world. But I am going to try really hard to get most of my stories done before book 5 comes out, and I have to change things. Or call them all AU's. Or something. Anyway, this is something new that I wanted to try. I really like the group Queen, and I heard this song recently, and thought it would make a nice songfic or seventeen. Yes, this is the first of 17 doomed couples in Harry Potter. Some of them, like this one, are kind of obvious and could (and are) really couples in the story. Some, however, are not. And I am never listening to Queen again when I'm in the mood to write. Too many plot bunnies attack. Later!

"James, what are we going to dress Harry up as for Halloween this year?"

"You know we can't take him out this year, Lil. It's too dangerous right now."

"I know, but I'd still like to dress him up. Maybe he could be a lion, in honor of our House."

"All right, Lily. If it will make you happy."

"Thank you, James. I love you."

"I love you, too, Lily." He watched her pick Harry up from his playpen and carry him up the stairs to begin work on his costume. A short time later, she came back down with Harry, who looked very much like a Gryffindor lion.

"How did you get the lion so accurate?" he asked.

"Oh, I looked in the photo albums for one of our school pictures. After that, the charms I used to change the appearance of the fabric weren't that hard. Oh, James, can we please take him out? He looks too cute to keep him cooped up here with no one to see him."

"Lily, you know we can't leave the sanctuary of this house, not until someone finds a way to defeat Voldemort."

"But, what if they never do? What if we're stuck here forever?"

"At least we'll always be together, and that's enough, isn't it?" He looked at her, his eyes filled with love, yet tinged with sorrow. She smiled back at him.

"You're right, luv. Together, forever." She took a seat beside him on the sofa, and set Harry down on the floor to play. "James, why did you switch secret keepers at the last minute? I'm certain Sirius would have done as good a job as Peter."

"Lily, Sirius thinks Remus works for Voldemort, and he was afraid if he was the secret keeper, then Remus would have been able to get the truth out of him, using the power of their feelings for each other. Besides that, who would guess that the Potter's secret keeper was the quiet one who was always on the outer fringes of the group?" Leaning over, he gave his wife a short kiss. Slowly, he began to unbutton her blouse, but she pushed him gently away.

"Not in front of Harry, dear. We don't want to scar him for life." She gave him an apologetic smile, and threaded her hand with his. Together, they watched their son toddle along the floor, sometimes standing and walking a few paces, other times crawling on all fours. Lily laughed when he grabbed the tail of his costume and began to use it as a teething ring.

As the clock struck nine, Lily stood and ended the charms on Harry's clothes. Harry seemed shocked when his chewy tail was no longer in his mouth and looked around for it for a moment, before focusing his eyes on his mother. He lifted his arms up, and Lily obliged him, scooping him up off the floor.

"I'm taking him up to bed now, he's had a long day." She bent down and gave her husband a kiss, both of them oblivious to the fact that they had just been sold out by the one person who knew where they were.

She began to climb the stairs when she heard the front door open. 'That's odd,' she thought. "James!" she called, "Go see who's at the front door!" Anxiously, she hurried her pace up the stairs and upon getting to Harry's room, locked herself in with her son. With bated breath, she listened for some sound of life downstairs. But she could hear nothing.

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Downstairs, James made his way to the door cautiously, with his wand out. Stepping into the hallway, he saw that the door was wide open, letting in a cold breeze. 'That's odd,' he thought, as he shut the door. Turning, he saw behind him the last person he would ever see. "You!" he gasped.

"Yes, James, me. You should know better than to ever choose someone so weak to carry your secrets. He was mine since his fifth year, and you never noticed. Some friend you are. Now, I'm here for you and your son. Prepare to meet oblivion, Potter." Voldemort laughed, a cruel harsh sound to James' ears.

James raised his wand, and yelled, "Lily, take Harry and go! Get out of here, get to Hogwarts! It's the only safe place left!"

"How very Gryffindor of you, James, trying to save your wife. Too bad she can't leave, and neither can you. I've put wards up around the house. No one can get in or out, save me."

James glared at the Dark Lord. "This isn't over. You'll never win. Dulce Ked-."

But Voldemort was faster. Flicking up his wand, he quickly whispered "Avada Kedavra," leaving James' body to land on the floor, his eyes empty and glassy. Quietly, Voldemort crept up the stairs, intent at getting to Harry.

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Lily heard James scream to her, and she picked Harry up out of his crib, and tried to apparate away, but found she was blocked by wards stronger than she could break. She tried to call Albus over the fireplace, but that was blocked as well. She set Harry back into his crib, and waited for James to rescue her, he always did.

The door to Harry's room swung open, and she turned, expecting to find James. Her eyes grew wide as she realised just who was entering the room. "What are you doing here?" she hissed.

"I'm here for your son. As soon as I've finished with him, you may leave. I've no reason to hurt you, Cousin."

"What are you going to do with Harry?"

"He stands in my way, he must be eliminated."

"I'll never let you hurt my son! Go, now!"

"I don't think so, Lily. Step aside."

"Never!"

"So be it. You brought this on yourself. Avada Kedavra!" The green light flowed out of his wand and hit her. Lily was dead before anyone could blink, and Voldemort approached Harry unimpeded. Raising his wand, he once more said the words of the most forbidden curse. The green light hit Harry in the forehead, before bouncing back to hit Voldemort square in the chest. Time slowed as Voldemort watched his energy leave his body. Harry giggled as the energy expanded and flowed about the room, gaining power as it went along, knocking down walls, destrying the house. Before his eyes, Voldemort's body disinegrated, leaving his spirit, which flew off into the night.

Harry realised then that he was alone and hungry. He began to cry, but no one answered him. No one would for several hours to come…


	2. Give My Heart Back Whole

Who Wants to Live Forever

A Series of Vignettes

#2: Give My Heart Back Whole

by: pandorabox82

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Who Wants to Live Forever belongs to Queen. It was written before I was born, so I obviously did not write it.

Author's Note: Well, this isn't Albus and Minerva, like I had planned it would be. They're being stubborn, and won't come out to play, but Sirius and Petunia wanted to, so I wrote their story next. They weren't supposed to be until #9, but things change, I guess. So with the completion of this story, the count is 2 down, 88 to go. Oh, yes, I had a hard time writing the ending of this story, I was crying in the commons of my college campus, and was getting the weirdest looks. Oh well, at least it shows that I love my characters!

"Lily, is that Petunia?"

"Yeah, it is. Mother made me bring her picture along with everyone else's."

"She's so pretty," he sighed.

"What was that, Sirius?"

"Oh, nothing, Lily. Have a good summer." He put the pictures on the top of her clothes and shut the trunk. Lily never noticed him pocket Petunia's picture. Casually, he asked, "Where was it that you lived again?"

"Sirius, we live in Surrey. I've told you that a hundred times before."

"That's right, I remember now. Well, I guess I'll see you in September, then."

"All right, I'll see you then, Sirius. And try to stay out of trouble this summer. I want to finish Hogwarts with you."

"I'll try, Lily. Believe me, I think I'll find something to occupy my time."

Just then, Professor McGonagall swept into the room. "Lily, are you packed yet? The rest of your dorm was ready twenty minutes ago. Mr Black, your parents are waiting for you. Seems they don't want a repeat of last year."

"He gave as good as he got, I swear he did, Professor!"

"Be that as it may, they still want to escort you home. Have a good summer you two." She left them alone in the Common Room once more.

"Well, you heard what she said, my parents are here for me. Say good-bye to James for me, okay?"

"I'll make sure to. Owl me, often, okay?"

"Fine. See you later." He put a hovering charm on his luggage and climbed out of the portrait hole. 'I wonder how I can convince my parents to let me go to Surrey?' he thought as he made his way down the stairs.

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Lily had been home not even two whole days, and already Petunia was feeling like an outsider in her own family again. "I'm going outside to work in my garden," she announced as she finished her breakfast.

"All right, dear," her mother replied absently, as she and Mr Evans listened to Lily telling about her latest exploits at that freak show she called a school.

Petunia pushed her chair away from the table, stuck her plate in the sink, and stalked outside. Once in her garden, she began to pull furiously at the weeds.

"Hello, Petunia! I saw your sister is back from boarding school. Is it as bad as always?"

Petunia looked up into the round face of Vernon Dursley, their next door neighbour's son. "No, Vernon, it's worse. That's why I'm out here so early. How was your year at Smeltings?"

"Very good, I'm in the top 10% of my form, and might even be Head Boy next year."

"That's nice to hear."

"Well, I should be going. I'm helping my father out this summer at Grunnings. Talk to you later." He gave a short wave and then joined his father in the car. Petunia watched them drive off, and then went back to pulling the weeds.

Twenty-five minutes later, she stood up and found herself face to face with a handsome young man. "Who are you?" she asked, more than a little startled.

"I'm Sirius. Our family just moved here from London. I thought I'd introduce myself to some of the neighbours, but you're the only one outside right now. Who are you?"

"I'm Petunia Evans."

"Well, Petunia Evans, do you want to go to the park? I was there yesterday, and they have some beautiful flowers there. Not as nice as the one's you have here, but pretty nonetheless."

"Let me go ask my parents. I'll be right back." She hurried into the house, and found her parents in the living room, her father getting ready to go into his office. "Mother, is it okay for me to go to the park with one of the neighbour boys?"

"Is it that Vernon?"

"No, Mother, he just recently moved into the area with his family. His name is Sirius."

Lily's head shot up out of the book she was reading. "Did you say Sirius?" she queried.

"Yes. He seems like a perfectly nice young man, despite his odd name. So, may I go?"

"As long as you're back by one, dear, I suppose you can go."

"Thank you, Mother. Have a good day at work, Father." And she was out of the house in a flash.

"They said yes, then?"

"Of course! Let's get going, we only have until one."

Together, they made their way to the park, and Sirius showed her the flowers he had mentioned earlier. Then, he led her to a bench by the duck pond, and they sat there watching the little kids feed the ducks.

"So, where do you go to school?"

"The local comprehensive. My parents don't have enough money to send me anywhere else, not with all the money it costs to send Lily to school. And you?"

"I'll be starting my final year at a private school is Scotland, come September."

"Really? My sister's school is in Scotland. What a coincidence."

"Yes, it is. So, what are you going to do when you finish school?"

"Oh, that's still two years off, I don't know, maybe be a secretary for awhile, or travel some. I haven't really given it much thought."

"I want to be an a- a bobby. Chase down criminals and all that, very exciting."

"But aren't you worried that you'll get hurt?"

"Not really, I'll be more focused on getting justice."

"That's so noble. I wish I had big dreams like that. I'll just most likely end up as a housewife with one kid and nothing better to do than spy on my neighbours."

"But what do you want to do in your heart of hearts?"

""Well, I'd want to be a writer, telling about history from a romantic viewpoint. But I'd never be good enough to do that."

"As long as we believe in our dreams, we can do anything."

She smiled at him, her eyes lighting up with pleasure. "Thank you for not mocking me. Lily thinks I'm silly to want to be a writer." She glanced at her watch and saw it was approaching the time she needed to be home by. "Sirius, thanks for introducing yourself to me. I've had a lovely morning, but I need to be getting back."

"Well, let me walk you home at least."

"I'd like that." They headed back to the Evans home, and upon reaching the gate, he opened it for her.

"I'll come by tomorrow, and you can show me your garden. Have a good afternoon." She went in her house, oblivious to the fact that Lily had been waiting for them to come back.

"Are you insane, Black? You know she hates magic!"

"I haven't told her who I really am yet. I'll know when the time is right. Lily, I think I love her."

"I've told you about all the horrid things she's done to me, and you think you love her! I know you're insane, and I'm going to tell her the truth."

"No, Lily, you can't! I forbid you from even acting like you know me! You won't ruin this for me. It's the one thing in my life that I am serious about."

"Fine, Sirius, I won't interfere, but I won't let you hurt her, either. She's still my baby sister, after all."

"I wouldn't dream of hurting her. Not for anything in the world."

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The next day, true to his word, Sirius appeared, though it was after lunch this time. "Will you show me your garden today? I'd love to see what's growing there, after the small glimpse I got yesterday," he said.

"Come inside the yard, and I'll be happy to show it to you," she answered. She waited while he opened the gate and approached her. Upon reaching her side, he threaded his hand with hers, and let her lead him into her realm. Ordinary flowers became special, as she extolled upon the work she put into them. It seemed to him, just then, that the flowers were her children. He vowed to bring her some blossom to remember him by when it came time for him to return to school.

As Petunia began to show Sirius her roses, Lily came out of the house, bearing a tray of lemonade and biscuits. Petunia rolled her eyes, and Sirius gave a low moan of annoyance at the sudden disturbance in their idyll.

"Petunia, I thought you and your friend might like some refreshments, so I brought some lemonade for is. I'm Lily, by the way, and you are?" she asked.

"I'm Sirius."

"Interesting name."

"I know. My parents are astronomers."

"Thank you for thinking of us, Lily. You can go now, Sirius and I are discussing flowers, and I know that topic bores you to death."

Lily smiled at Sirius, a bit too brightly, and said, "It was a pleasure to meet you. Hopefully you can meet my parents soon. I'm sure they'd love to meet you." She then went back inside to finish a Potions essay, one of the five Professor Compton had assigned.

As soon as Lily was in the house, Sirius asked, "Is she always that perky?"

"She's been like that her whole life, however it became worse when she got her letter that said she was accepted at that school of hers. Still, it wouldn't be all that bad, if she didn't keep lording it over me that I'll never be like her."

"So, even though she's constantly cheerful and all, you still love her?"

"Of course, she's my sister. I've always wanted to be more like her, because she has such a charmed life." She smiled at him, and grabbed a glass of lemonade off the tray that Lily'd left, trying to hide the tears that had stung her eyes as her thoughts had turned to how much she admired Lily. Sirius noticed her tears, and tried to cheer her up.

"Hey now, none of this vulnerable stuff until I kiss you for the first time." He wriggled his nose at her, and she gave a soft laugh, and then led him to her favourite shade tree. Sitting, she beckoned him to join her. She sat with her back against the tree, and he rested his head on her lap, gazing up at the leaves. They spent the afternoon that way, speaking of their dreams, fears, and everything in between.

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The next day, Sirius dropped in for tea, and Petunia introduced him to her mother. They spent a pleasant afternoon discussing Sirius' family and his background, and Petunia could tell her mother approved of him. As he left that day, he told Petunia his news.

"My parents are dragging me off on a holiday, and I'll be gone for a week. I promise to write to you, because I shall miss you."

"Can I write to you as well?" Petunia queried.

"I wish you could, but we'll be going to different places, so your letter would never reach me. Before I go though, I have something to ask you. Will you be my girlfriend?"

"I-I suppose so. Oh, don't go, I'll miss you too much!" She threw her arms around him, and cried into his shoulder.

"It's only for a week, it will go by fast, you'll see."

"Well, have fun and don't forget to write."

"I won't." He gave her a soft kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you in a week."

Blushing, Petunia nodded, and showed him out. Closing the door after him, she leaned against it and sighed.

"What are you sighing for?" Lily asked as she entered the front room.

"I think I'm in love," was Petunia's reply. It was then that Lily realised that it might not have been the smart thing to do when she had let Sirius begin this little affair. Both her friend and her sister were in far deeper than she'd ever imagined. She also knew that no matter when this ended, it would end very badly.

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Three days later, the letter from Sirius arrived. She brought it outside to read under their shade tree, as she thought of it now.

"What are you reading?" Vernon's voice interrupted her, just as she was beginning her letter.

Turning her head to look at him, she replied, "A letter from Sirius."

"Is that the boy who was visiting you earlier?"

"Yes. He's on vacation right now, and promised he'd send me a letter. He's coming home in a few days."

"Oh." Vernon sounded crestfallen at this revelation, as if he had been hoping for some other news. "Well, I should get to work. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye," Petunia replied absently, her eyes turned back to her letter. Vernon knew then that she was in love with this Sirius fellow, and even though he himself loved her, he knew it would never happen that his love would be returned.

'Dear Petunia,' the letter began, 'I'm having a nice time in London today. Mother managed to stop by our old house, so I'll have a surprise coming for you with me. I miss you like crazy, and can't wait until I see you again. Is Lily giving you any more trouble? I hope not, but if she is, tell her that the deer will no longer be her friend. Random, I know, but I think it will give her pause. I'll see you in four days. Love, Sirius.'

Petunia leaned back onto the soft green grass and watched the clouds drift by. She would never make it another four days.

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She was once more in her garden pulling weeds when a pair of hands covered her eyes. "Guess who?"

"Sirius! You're home!" Petunia turned and gave him a hug.

He returned the embrace just as warmly, and asked, "Did you miss me as much as I missed you?"

"More."

"I brought you something," he said, and he bent down to pick up a small pot.

"What is it?"

"One of my mother's prized roses. She had forgotten to take the bush with us when we moved here, so that's why we were in London. Once it blossoms, you'll see why she sets such store by them."

"Oh, Sirius, thank you!" she exclaimed and gave him a short kiss on the cheek. She looked at the plant after she realised that she'd just kissed a boy for the first time. "I-I'm going to go plant this right now. Help me find a spot?" she stammered, not meeting his eyes.

"Petunia, look at me." Sirius put a finger beneath her chin and gently raised her head until she was looking into his eyes. Slowly, his face descended, and his lips covered hers in a soft, searching kiss. Clumsily, she tried to return it with all the passion she felt. Finally, they parted, and she smiled, her chest rising and falling quickly due to her shorter breaths.

"Sirius, I hope you don't think me too forward, but I think I love you."

"I love you too, Petunia, ever since I first saw you."

She grabbed his hand and led him into her garden. "Let's plant the cutting here, by the other roses. Will you help me?"

"Of course." He grabbed a trowel, and dug a shallow hole for the rose bush baby. Lovingly, Petunia removed the cutting from the pot and placed it in the soil. Patting the earth down around the bush, she then grabbed her watering van and sprinkled it over the new planting. It almost seemed that before her eyes, it grew a few inches.

They spent the rest of the day talking about the future, and what could be, never noticing two pairs of eyes watching them, one pair full of regret, and the other pair concerned with how fast things were going.

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It seemed like over the next three weeks, every waking moment of Petunia's was spent with Sirius. As their happiness grew, so to did the rose bush. One drizzly day, towards the end of July, the first rose blossomed. It was such a deep red that at first glance, one thought it was black. Sirius plucked the blossom and put it in Petunia's hair.

"A rose for a rose," he said, before kissing her. Neither knew it was their last sweet moment together.

The next day, before Petunia woke up, Sirius went into her garden and enchanted one of the blossoms of his roses to hold a ring. The ring he placed there had been in the family for ages, used as a promise ring, a wedding band, an engagement ring. He had magically inscribed his and Petunia's initials into the band, along with the phrase, 'Many waters cannot quench love.' He then waited for Petunia to get up.

Just before nine, he saw the owls arrive at the Evan's house. He knew this was not a good omen. He threw a few pebbles at Lily's window and woke her up. She got her letter, and demanded to know what he was doing at her house so early on a Saturday.

"Lily, I haven't told her yet."

"What do you mean, you haven't told her yet? You said you loved her, I heard you. Don't you think you should have said something then?"

"I didn't know how without hurting her. That's the last thing I would ever want to do, hurt the one I love. Yet how can I tell her now? She'll hate me!"

"Who will hate you, Sirius?"

He looked to his right, and saw the woman he loved. Deciding that honesty was the only way to go, he answered, "You will, my love."

"Don't be silly! Why would I hate you?" she asked, not noticing Lily close her window discreetly.

"Because of this." He handed Petunia his letter, and she looked at the green ink on the front, and the wax seal of Hogwarts on the back.

"You're one of them? No, you can't be, you're too normal. I love you, you can't be," she whispered, her heart breaking.

"I meant to tell you sooner, but I didn't want to hurt you. I love you too much to hurt you. Please believe me."

"Then my sister knew you all along? Was this some sort of game you were playing, with my heart as the stakes?"

"No, never! I fell in love with your pictures that Lily had at Hogwarts, she never knew my feelings for you, I swear!"

"I wish I could say I hate you, but I can't. I love you so much; but now you're something I can never be. Please, give my heart back whole to me. But how can I ask that of you when I would be holding back a piece of your heart to remember you by?"

"What do you mean? We can still be together."

"Damn you Sirius! Don't you see – I'd never fit in your world, just as you'd never fit in mine. In the end, we'd hurt each other too much to be together. Damn you for ruining my happy future!" She slapped him across the face, and broke into fierce sobs, sinking to the damp grass.

"Petunia…" he began, laying a hand on the small of her back as he knelt down beside her.

Turning eyes full of sorrow on him, she said, "Just go! Go before I learn to hate you as I already hate my sister." He captured her mouth in one brief, final kiss, before rising and port-keying home.

"Petunia, are you all right?" came Vernon's voice over the fence a few minutes later. Hastily, she wiped her eyes clear of the tears she'd shed and stood up.

"Yes, Vernon, I'm fine. Would you like to go to a movie tonight?"

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After that day, the garden had become her only refuge. She had tried to destroy his rose bush, but nothing killed it, so she let it grow wild. She refused to speak to her sister, and focused on forcing herself to be kind to normal Vernon. Yes, there was none of the passion there that she and Sirius had shared, but Vernon was completely normal. He hated Lily and all of her kind after Petunia had told him what had happened. Upon their marriage, Petunia's parents moved the fence over so that her garden lay on her property. Eventually, the pain lessened, until it became a dull ache that kept her awake on rainy nights.

Then, one summer when Harry was young, he cut the enchanted rose off the bush, and out fell the ring Sirius had planned on giving Petunia all those summers ago. He ran it in to his aunt and was shocked at the look of pain that flitted across her face. Later, years later, he would remark to his friends that it was the only time he'd seen his aunt cry.


	3. Fate Has Decreed It

Who Wants to Live Forever A Series of Vignettes  
  
#3: Fate Has Decreed It by: pandorabox82  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Who Wants to Live Forever belongs to Queen. It was written before I was born, so I obviously did not write it.  
  
Author's Note: If anyone has seen my Minerva and Albus muse anywhere, would you please kindly tell them to come home. I want to write their story sometime this century. This was a really odd pairing to write about, but once I got going, I really liked writing about them. I may even write another story about them someday. Maybe. Yes, this is another story where I was bawling at the end of writing it, again sitting before class had started, channelling my inner angst muse. I think my professor thinks I'm a bit emotional. Oh, yes, 20 points to your house if you can point out the two references I put in this story. So, it's one more story down, too many to go. Ja ne, minna-chan!  
  
"Remus, I believe you were in the same year as Sibyll." "That's right, Albus. How are you, Sibyll?" "I am well. You should know that you will die peacefully, Fate has decreed it." She moved off up the stairs to her tower, leaving behind to hang in the air the heavy scent of jasmine. "She hasn't given that up then?" "No, it's still her favourite little game." Albus lead Remus to where he'd be staying for the year, and then left the young man alone. 'As if anything in my life could be peaceful,' he thought as he lay down on the bed to take a quick nap. His dreams that afternoon were haunted by a pair of sea-green eyes promising relief from all his struggling.  
  
*****  
  
The next time he saw Sibyll was a few weeks later at the Sorting Ceremony. She looked so serious and forlorn, and she kept turning her eyes to Harry. "Sibyll, is everything all right?" "Oh, yes, Remus. I'm fine. I just worry about young Mister Potter, he has a Grim about him, and I'm concerned about that." "Don't worry, Sibyll. Albus is here, he'd never let any harm come to one of his students." "I suppose you're right." "Of course I am. Remember, we were both students here, and he never let anything hurt us." "Physically, Remus, physically. There are other ways to hurt people, you know." Sibyll looked at her plate, missing Remus' look of concern. "If you'll excuse me, the Fates have said that I should leave before something horrible happens. Good-night." She stood from the table and left the room, as Remus watched her. No one else seemed to notice she'd left, and when Remus tried to turn his attention back to his food, he found that he'd lost his appetite. He looked at Albus, who sagely nodded to him, before he followed his instincts and went after her. He made his way up to the North Tower, and found her sitting on the top step, her head lowered, her hands clasped before her on her lap. Without looking up, she said, "I knew you'd come to see me, Remus." "How, did you have a vision?" "No, you're a kind soul, and I revealed something at supper that would appeal to a soul like yours." "Sibyll, is there anything I can do for you?" he kindly asked. "I don't believe so, Remus. Besides, you'd treat me just like they did, if you knew my heart." "What do you mean? I would never intentionally hurt you, Sibyll." "That's what your friend, Sirius, said when he told me." She broke off there, and her shoulders began to slightly shake. Remus took a seat beside her on the stairs and put his hand on her shoulder. She stiffened slightly before pulling away from his touch. He tried a different approach and covered her hands with one of his. She looked into his eyes and found him sincere. Slowly, she unclasped her hands and let him take one in a gentle, warm embrace. "How did Sirius hurt you, Sibyll?" "He told me to wait in the Astronomy Tower, one night during our sixth year, and that he'd send the person who I had a fancy for up there. I waited all night, bathed in the light of the full moon for him to show, but he never did. I never forgot how it felt when the owl delivered me the note that said it had all been a practical joke of Sirius'." "Who was supposed to meet you that night?" Remus asked, though he had the feeling that he knew it would be one of the Marauders, perhaps James. "It was supposed to be you there, that night," she whispered as she stood and tried to escape to her room. Nevertheless, he held her there, refusing to let go of her hand. He rose to face her, yet she refused to meet his eyes. Bringing his other hand up to her face, he slowly wiped the tears from her cheeks, and she shuddered and leaned in close to him. "Why did you want it to be me?" "Because whenever I came near you, I could feel the gentleness of your aura. You always took the time to speak to me, even when your friends ignored me. Because somewhere along the way, I fell in love with you. I know you probably think it silly of me, but I still do." "I-I don't know what to say." "Then don't say anything, and leave me with my illusions." Placing her hands on his chest, she gave him a soft kiss on his lips. Breaking the kiss, Remus began, "Sibyll, I really must tell you something." "Shh.I want to remember everything about this moment as being perfect." She moved from his side and opened the door to her personal chambers. "Good-night, Remus." She then closed the door, shutting him in the outside world. 'Maybe she doesn't know about me, after all, she hasn't ever left Hogwarts, she got hired here immediately upon our graduation. Then again, maybe she does know, and just doesn't care about how she'll be treated, should the world ever find out she loves a werewolf.' He made his way to his rooms, the taste of her lips still on his.  
  
****  
  
She wasn't at breakfast the next morning, and Remus didn't the chance to ask after her. His day was a blur of activity - teaching his first class, creating lesson plans for other classes, and doing research for future projects. Finally, it was dinnertime, and he went into the Great Hall, looking for her. Once again, she was absent from the table, and while he ate, Remus lost himself in thought. 'How should I feel? If this is real, what should I look for? I've never been in love before, so I have no idea how to treat her. Yet spending the rest of my life with someone who loves me sounds life music to my heart. But what about Sirius? He could harm us all if he manages to get inside Hogwarts. Life is so very complicated, I only have a short time to tell her the truth.' "She rarely comes down to eat with us, Remus. I'm certain she wouldn't mind some company after dinner," Albus said, as they finished their meal. Remus looked at him, and he gave Remus a look that spoke of understanding and concern. "Be gentle with her, when you tell her," he added, as if he knew what Remus was wrestling with. "I will, Albus," Remus responded. He turned from the table and made his way back to the North Tower. Upon reaching the door, he knocked, and she opened her door. "Good evening, Sibyll." "Remus, what brings you here?" she asked, a faint blush staining her cheeks. "There's something I need to discuss with you. May I come in?" Sibyll nodded, and let him into her chambers. "Take a seat on the sofa. Would you like some tea?" "Earl Grey, please, if you have it." "Of course. I'll be right back." She disappeared into her rooms, affording Remus the chance to look around. There were no pictures of family or friends decorating her walls. Instead, there were play posters, some signed, most framed. He was struck by one in particular - I Want to Be Your Canary. 'Would she be content to spend the rest of her life in a cage?' he thought. She returned with the tea a moment later, and came up to him. "It was a beautiful play. I managed to catch a rare performance of it when I visited Alexandria last year." She handed him a mug and then took a sip from hers. "Was she content to be the canary?" he asked suddenly. "Who?" "The main heroine. Did she ever have any regrets?" "No, for she was in love, and she was loved. She would do anything for love. That was what defined her." "Love's important to you, isn't it?" "After death, love is the only true thing. Life cannot be lived without love. Fate decreed that so very long ago." He fixed his gaze on her, his eyes troubled. "Is there ever a time when love is not enough to keep two souls together?" "I don't believe so. Why?" "Say an undesirable, such as a werewolf, were to fall in love with a witch or wizard, and he told them of his state. Could love survive even there?" "True, they would be living under a microscope, but if they truly loved each other, it wouldn't matter. I would feel for the normal one, though. To be held under such scrutiny, always watched, I could never handle that. Why do you think I'm always in this blasted tower?" She gave a weak laugh. "Sorry to be so long-winded." "That's all right. Listen, Sibyll, please listen to me. I know you love me, and I believe I'm falling in love with you. But there's something you should know - the reason for my questions, you see, when I was a small child, I was bitten. That's why you must find someone else to love, someone who can give you everything I can't." "But we're here at Hogwarts, Remus. No one can touch us here." "Don't you get it? I'm a werewolf! Once outside these walls, that's all the world will see me as. They'll try to get at me by hurting you, and you'll always be in their reproachful gaze. I won't subject you to that." "I don't care! I love you, and we can stay here forever! Albus always takes care of his misfits!" She was sobbing now, great sobs that shook her body. He wrapped his arms around her, and her cries lessened. She looked up at him, her eyelashes spiky with tears. "Make love to me, Remus. Leave me with one sweet moment to remember you by."  
  
****  
  
The next morning, they parted. There were no tears, they'd all been shed the night before. But sometimes, during Divination, she'll look a little more withdrawn, as if some inner fire has been doused. And sometimes, he'll look with longing to the North Tower. And they'll both wonder if she could have been his canary. 


	4. Aquis Amor Exstingui non Potest

Who Wants to Live Forever

A Series of Vignettes

#4: Aquis Amor Exstingui non Potest

            She had heard the shuffling of feet go past her door, though when she'd looked out, there'd been no one in the halls.  She went back to grading papers and forgot about what she'd thought she'd heard.  A few moments later, half-an-hour at the most, she heard an ungodly scream pierce the quiet of the night.  Hurriedly, she pulled on her dressing robe, pushed her feet into slippers and raced to the Great Hall.

            When she got there, she saw Albus there, trying to mediate an argument between Sirius, James, and Severus.  "What's going on here?  Why are you out of your rooms at this time of night?" she asked.

            "Minerva, your students were just playing a prank on Mister Snape, here.  Nothing harmful, isn't that right, Severus?"

            Severus glared at the Headmaster before curtly nodding.  Minerva could feel that there was more to the situation than anyone was letting on.

            "See, everything's fine.  Now, go back to your rooms.  Everything will be fine come morning."  Albus turned and made his way to his rooms, but the boys made no move to leave.  Finally, Minerva broke the silence.  

            "Potter, Pettigrew, Black – return to your dorms.  I'll deal with you in the morning; don't believe you'll be getting off easy."  She waited until they'd moved out of earshot before she addressed the young man who remained.  "Mr Snape, come to my office.  I have some questions to ask you."

            "Can it wait until morning, Professor?  I just want to get some sleep."

            "No, I'm sorry, it can't wait."

            "Very well then, lead the way."

            Once they were inside her office, she brewed a pot of tea.  While it was steeping, she asked, "Severus, I could tell something else was wrong besides just some silly prank.  Tell me, what really happened?"

            "Your precious Gryffindors tried to kill me.  Well, James saved me, but only because he had to.  Sirius would have let me die, or worse."  He poured himself a cup of jasmine tea and took a sip of it.

            After pouring herself a cup as well, she questioned him again.  "Worse, how?"

            "I'd have been like Lupin, living a half-life, and that's no life at all."

            Minerva began to put the pieces together.  "So, because of this rivalry of yours with James, they decided to leave you alone with Remus on his transformation night?"

            "That, and the fact that I had almost discovered what Lupin really is.  They were afraid I'd tell the whole school about the condition, and they wanted to keep me quiet," he bitterly replied.

            Minerva was aghast.  She didn't want to believe this about her Griffundors, and yet she knew Severus never lied.  His sense of honour  would not permit him to.  "Is Professor Dumbledore going to do anything about this?"

            Severus gave a short, mirthless laugh.  "Sully his precious Gryffindor's names?  I don't think so.  Besides, we have to protect the werewolf, make him feel like one of us.  Well, what about how I feel?  Why does he insist on catering to them?"

            "Because he, too, was a Gryffindor once and still feels a sense of loyalty to his House," she relpied.

            "That is the most ridiculous statement I've ever heard.  He's the Headmaster – he's supposed to be impartial."

            "Have you ever met a truly impartial person?"

            "Yes."

            "Who?"

            "I'm looking at her right now," he replied.  She looked up into his eyes, and was surprised to see the intensity in his gaze.  Blushing, she looked back at her tea.  "Why are you blushing?  Don't you believe me?"

            "O-of course I believe you, Severus.  It's just…"

            "What?"

            "I don't know."  Minerva felt the tension build in the room, and desperately tried to think of some way to break it.  She was shocked when she felt a hand caress her cheek.  She'd been so lost in thought she hadn't seen Severus move to her side.  She stared into his eyes, which were still blazing intensely and unconsciously she leaned in towards him.  Their lips met briefly, and she tasted the hint of jasmine the tea had left behind.  Breaking the kiss, she rose hurriedly to her feet.  "I wish that a flood would wash over me right now, and take these feelings away," she whispered.

            Rising to his feet, Severus put a hand on her shoulder and replied, "_Aquis_ amor exstingui non potest_."  With his other arm, he reached behind her and drew out the pin that held her hair up in its bun._

            She tried to protest this sudden vulnerability, but was silenced with another kiss.  She began to cry, to her intense mortification.

            "Why are you crying?" Severus gently asked.

            "Neither of us can afford to be caught in a situation like this.  Everything is on the line."

            "But I think I love you."

            "Please, don't say that."

            "It's the truth, and one should always speak truth to life.  What are you afraid of?"

            "Love.  I've been hurt before and I don't want to see that happen to someone else.  Go now.  Please?"

            "I'll go, but only if you promise to wear your hair down tomorrow."

            "Yes, yes, I will," she hastily agreed and ushered him out the door.  Leaning against the door, she began to sob.  'What have I agreed to?  Why did I say yes?' she thought.  Slowly, she made her way to bed, the papers she was grading lying forgotten on the desk.  That night, she dreamt of serious dark eyes, and lips so soft.

@------     @------     @------

            The next day, she kept her promise and wore her hair loose, though the front she pulled back into a clip so it wouldn't get in her face.  But strangely, Severus wasn't at breakfast.  Albus noticed Minerva looking for him, and said, "He never returned to his dorm last night, you can drop the act, Minerva."

            "What are you implying?"

            "I know he spent the night with you, there's no use denying it."

            "No, Albus, he did not.  I will take Veritaserum to prove that, if I must.  We talked for a bit about your incompatancy, and then he left.  I haven't seen him since."  She turned her head, by chance, to look at the doors to the Great Hall.  "Oh my goddess," she breathed.

            There stood Lucius Malfoy, his hand on the shoulder of a very ill-looking Severus.  Minerva stood and ran over to where they were, followed closely by Albus and Hortensia Thornton, the head of Slytherin.

            "Are you all right, Severus?" Minerva anxiously asked.

            "I am now.  Lucius helped me see the path I needed to take," he replied tonelessly.  Minerva sensed he was shutting her out, shutting them all out, but there was nothing she could do in front of all the students and faculty.

            Lucius sneered and said, "I return him to your loving care, Albus.  Make certain you take care of him this time."  He then turned and exited the Great Hall with a flourish, and many of the students stared after him.

            Minerva heard herself say, "Mister Snape, let's get you up to the Infimary.  Madam Pomfrey will have something to calm your stomach."  She took his arm and led him away from the staring eyes of his classmates.

            Instead of leading him to the Infirmary, though, she took him to her office.  Once inside, she said, "Through that other door is a sitting room.  You can sleep on the sofa.  When I return, I'd like to speak to you.  Please stay," she implored him,, a softness appearing in her eyes, something he'd seen last night after he'd kissed her.

            "Yes, I'll stay.  But what about my classes?"

            "Do not worry about them.  One of your classes is mine, right?"

            "Yes, and the other is Potions with Professor Thornton.  She'll be none to pleased if I miss, as I seem to be the only student who can complete my assignments without blowing up a cauldron."

            "She saw how you looked.  I doubt she'll begrudge you one class.  If she does, I'll make certain to take the blame.  Now go, and rest."  She turned and bustled out the door, missing his grateful look, and the soft sigh that escaped his lips unbidden.  He moved off to the sitting room and laid down on the setee, breathing in her heady scent that lingered on the pillows.  Soon, he was asleep, his arm flung above his head.

@------     @------     @------

            Minerva returned a few hours later, and found him sleeping soundly, his face buried in one of her pillows.  She brought out a blanket and laid it over him, watching him pull up the blanket around his neck.  It was then she noticed the angry red welt on his left arm.  She felt her heart drop and quick tears appeared in her eyes.  'Merlin, why did my heart become entangled?  I knew this would only lead to trouble.'  She watched him for a few minutes, trying to decide what to say when he woke.  Her thoughts were interrupted by his voice.

            "I didn't want this.  Uncle Lucius thought it would be best to get me in the inner circle as soon as possible.  Now there's no way out."

            "There's always a way out.  Let me tell Albus, he'll know some way to help."

            "No!  He's got me into this by accepting the werewolf!  Help me, Minerva, please!"

            He sounded so desperate, she felt her heart would burst from care.  Dropping to her knees, she took him in her arms, crying into his hair.  "I don't know how to help you, Severus.  All I can tell you is to be strong while I try to think of something."

            "I can't be seen with you, you know that.  You're Gryffindor, one of them.  I'll never stop loving you, I hope you'll know that, even when things look bleakest."

            "Why are you making this sound so final?"

            "Because if they know of the love that I have for you, they'll try to get you to become one of us.  And I know how you'll react, and then you'll get hurt, or worse.  I couldn't bear that!" he strongly said.

            Quickly, she leaned in, and gave  him a deep kiss, one that spoke of love, pain, regret, and myriad other emotions.  Throwing her arms around him, embracing him, she whispered in his ear, "I love you.  Forgive me."  Breaking the embrace, she stood and moved from his side.  "Stand up, Mister Snape.  All the begging in the world would not get me to change your abysmal Transfigurations marks.  Maybe if you spent more time studying and less time harassing my Gryffindors, you'd do better."  Her voice was harsh, yet strained, her eyes filled with anguish as she stared at him.

            Severus returned her gaze with his own tortured eyes.  "I understand completely, Professor McGonagall.  You'll never see past my exterior as a Slytherin to give me the help I need.  One day, you'll regret this, McGonagall!" he shouted at her, though his voice was drenched in sorrow.  He got up from the sofa and stormed out of the room, ignoring the various Gryffindors who were staring murderously at him for his shouting at their beloved Transfigurations professor.

            Minerva collapsed on the sofa and began to cry deep, heart-wrenching sobs.  'This is why I didn't want to love again,' she thought, as a snippet of a song passed through her head.  "But me and my true love will never meet again by the bonny bonny banks of Loch Lomond," she sadly sang through her tears, before falling asleep, drained from the emotional ride she'd been on.

@------     @------     @------

            The years passed, and the spectre of Voldemort hung over them, long after his first fall.  They'd spent so many years apart, that the love they had became something of a myth to both of them.  Something to dream about when the nights got lonely.  Yet the words of Solomon still rang through their minds when it became too much to keep up the façade of hate, or it seemed as if the other had lost the love.

_            Aquis Amor Exstingui non Potest._


	5. Love is More Than

Who Wants to Live Forever

A Series of Vignettes

#5: Love is More Than

by: pandorabox82

            Flying was in her genes, but Minerva was in her blood, she had been ever since their first Quidditch match together.  Today, she had caught a glimpse of the Minerva she'd once know and loved, the one buried in an ice too thick to melt, afraid of so many things.  Today, Minerva had told her that a first year was going to be on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, even though no first year could bring a broom to Hogwarts.  She'd been so tempted to hug Minerva, and it was almost as if Minerva could sense the burgeoning feelings, for she quickly clamped herself off and became unreachable again.

            Xiomara's mind flew back over the years, to the day they had first kissed…

            "Gryffindor leads - 80 to 20, with Jacobi Flint in possession of the Quaffle for Slytherin.  No, wait, Minerva Gordon has stolen the Quaffle, and is racing towards the goal.  And she scores!  Gryffindor leads 90 to 20.  And there goes Xiomara Hooch, with Collum Nott hot at her heels.  Will he catch up to her in time?  Of course not!  And she has the Golden Snitch!  Gryffindor wins!"

            The Gryffindor team landed, all trying to crowd around Xiomara.  All, that is, except for Minerva.  She was pushed out to the perimeter of the group, and was smiling bemusedly at Xiomara.  So Xiomara pushed her was out of the circle around her, and grabbed Minerva's hand.  "I don't know about you boys, but we're sweaty and don't smell so nice.  We can talk about our win after we shower.  C'mon Minerva."  Xiomara pulled her into the girls shower room.  She missed the looks her male team-mates exchanged, but the ever-observant Minerva didn't, and she glared at them, before slamming the door closed and locking it.

            "I swear, those boys have the rudest thoughts sometimes."

            "Why do you say that, Minerva?"

            "Did you see the looks they gave us before we came in here?  I'm sure they would love to be flies on the wall right now, seeing if we were snogging."

            "Have you ever wondered what it would be like, to kiss another girl?"

            "Maybe, but only one."

            "Who?"

            "You."  Minerva leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Xiomara's lips.

            "Madam Hooch, did ye hear the news about the Seeker?"  Her thoughts were interrupted by Oliver Wood, who'd run in to find her the minute he'd heard the news.

            "Yes, isn't it lovely?  I'm certain he'll make a wonderful Seeker."

            "Madam Hooch, may I ask you something?"

            "What is it, Oliver?"

            "Is the reason you never got married because you loved Quidditch too much?"

            "I swear Minerva, you love studying more than me!"

            "No more than you love Quidditch, Xiomara, dear."  They were on the pitch, practising manoeuvres and talking about life in general.

            "Touché, Minerva.  Really, though, we haven't been spending too much time together lately.  Have I done something?"

            "Oh no, love, don't think that.  It's just that I've been busy preparing for the N.E.W.T.s, and all that wonderful stuff.  I promise, we'll spend time together after the game tomorrow."  She looked down and saw Arthur Weasley watching them practise.  "Look, there's Arthur!  Let's see if he has any pointers for us.  His father was once on a professional team."

            "You go on, Minerva.  I'm getting tired."

            "All right.  I'll see you back in the Common Room?"

            "Of course."  Xiomara watched her lover descend and approach Arthur, a dazzling smile on her lips.  Xiomara's heart clenched fiercely, and she forcefully landed and stalked off to the showers, desperate to get the film of jealousy off her skin.

            "No, Oliver.  There was someone I loved greatly once, I thought we would be together until the end of time.  But other things in life, besides Quidditch, got in the way, and we eventually went our separate ways."

            "How did you know your love was the one?"

            "Why?  Is there some Quidditch cutie you've got your eye on?"

            "Maybe.  I just want to know if you can ever tell for sure it's real."

            "With love, you just know."

            "Minerva, why are you pulling away from me?"

            "I'm not!  It's just…."

            "Yes?"

            "My family's arranged for me to marry an old family friend's son.  There's nothing I can do.  I'm sorry."

            "There's always something.  Run away with me – we can live together in Boston.  I've heard good things about our lifestyle coming from there."

            "But I can't leave my family.  I'd miss them so much!"

            "You think I wouldn't miss mine?  I love you, Minerva.  I want to be with you until the end of time."

            "I love you, Xiomara, but I can't defy my family.  They mean too much."

            "That's bullocks, Minerva!  If you told them, they'd support you!"

            "No, they wouldn't!  Why do you think they want me to marry the McGonagall?  They know about us and want to "fix" me!"  Minerva burst into tears, and Xiomara put her arms around her.  "They threatened to pull me out of Hogwarts if I didn't agree.  We're to be married June 17th, and Mama wants you to be the maid of honour.  I can't escape this, Mara, but I want you by my side if I must go through with it.  Please, say you'll always love me."

            "Maybe it's for the best, love.  At least you'll be secure with him, and you'll have finished you precious schooling."  Xiomara's voice dripped sarcasm, her eyes unnaturally bright.

            "What are you saying?  The only thing that's gotten me to this place is knowing you'd be at my side.  Love is more than…"

            "Than what, Minerva?  Schooling, family, money?  Which of these is love more than, and then tell me why you aren't willing to give them up for our love."

            "How can you say that, Xiomara?"

            "My love has told me she's marrying a man because he'll be the only path to her finishing school, and she has the audacity to ask me why I might be upset?"

            Minerva's own temper was beginning to kick in.  "Fine, if you want to play by rules of your own making, push me away, into the McGonagall's arms.  At least he offers me a stability I'd never have with you, and your emotions.  Take your love back – I don't want it anymore!"

            As soon as she'd said those words, Minerva regretted them.  It was too late to call them back, however, and she watched as Xiomara's face drained of all blood, leaving her as pale as the Grey Lady.  "Love, I'm sorry, I didn't…"

            "Yes, you did.  Please leave now.  If you don't, my heart will shatter and you can't pick up the pieces this time."

            Minerva turned and fled, leaving Xiomara with just a faint whiff of lilac.

            "Madam Hooch, if I do love her, and I do tell her, do you have any advice?"

            "Yes.  Always remember – 'Love is more than enough, but sometimes it is too much'."


	6. Holding On

Who Wants to Live Forever  
A Series of Vignettes  
  
#6: Holding On  
  
"How do you do, Miss? I'm Gilderoy Lockhart, and let me say I will enjoy teaching you during your seventh month here."  
Sibyll blushed a bright red. "Professor Lockhart, I teach Divination here at Hogwarts."  
"This fair vision before me is old enough to teach? I shall never believe it. Your name, oh fair one?"  
"Sibyll Trelawney."  
"Well, Sibyll, call me Gilderoy. After all, we shall be colleagues this year. Will I see you at supper this evening?"  
"No. I don't come down to eat with the whole school very often."  
"Then I shall come to eat with you tonight. You can read my leaves afterwards to see if I have a long future ahead of me." He flashed her the smile that had won so many awards, and bowed to her.  
Gently, she raised him from his bow. "I'm in the North Tower. I'll see you at seven. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have classes to teach."  
"Until this evening then, oh glorious one." He turned and climbed a set of stairs, and Sibyll stared after him. The Inner Eye had said nothing about this turn of events. She smiled to herself, and headed back to her tower to begin her first round of classes.  
  
Evening came, and Gilderoy showed up at her door promptly at seven. She had expected that he would forget about their arrangement, and was pleasantly surprised to see him at her sanctuary. Sibyll invited him in, and exclaimed loudly, "How gorgeous!" to the bouquet of flowers he produced from behind his back.  
She ran her fingers along the petals, feeling the velvet of the rose petals, and the slight waxy feel of the lilies. She conjured up a vase and set the bouquet inside it. She then led Gilderoy to her sitting room, which often doubled as her dining room when she wasn't eating in her office. The house elves were just finishing laying out for them the same type of meal that was being eaten in the Great Hall.  
Sibyll took a seat on one of the cushions strewn about the table, and motioned for Gilderoy to follow suit. He settled himself right next to her, his thigh brushing against hers. She blushed deeply, and picked up her fork, beginning to eat. Again, he followed her lead, and soon they were talking about what it was like to teach at Hogwarts, and what he could expect from some of his students.  
Soon, the food was gone and the plates were gathered up by the house elf that had remained. He left a bottle of wine and two goblets. As soon as he was gone, Gilderoy opened the bottle and poured the wine into the goblets, then handed one to Sibyll.  
Smiling, she accepted it, and then got up and moved to her chesterfield. He followed, sitting closely to her once again. She took a deep sip of the wine, hoping to mask how nervous he was making her. Gilderoy seemed to make no notice of the shaking in her hands, he just blithely continued their conversation. She answered when she needed to, at first, but was soon drawn deeply in by his words. So much so that she hardly gave it a thought when he kept refilling her glass.  
Sibyll was startled when she felt his hand upon hers. She looked at him, which was all the invitation he needed. Taking her glass from her hand, he set in on the table alongside his own. Then he leaned forward and captured her lips with his own. Panicking slightly, Sibyll tried to break the kiss, but he just deepened it, pressing his lips harder against hers.  
Finally, he ended the kiss and looked at her. She was breathing harder, and her cheeks were slightly flushed. Without waiting to see if it was okay, he kissed her again, putting his arm around her and bending her back to lay on the chesterfield.  
Sibyll was startled by his actions, but even more so by the fact that she was enjoying his kisses. They made her feel loved, special, something she hadn't felt in a long time. So, she gave herself up into the kisses, thinking, 'I'm being kissed by Gilderoy Lockhart. How many women can say that?' So lost in his kisses and her thoughts, she didn't notice one of his hands creep from her waist to her neck and begin to undo the row of buttons that held her robes closed.  
The feel of his hand on her breast, his thumb rubbing her nipple, brought her straight back to awareness. She struggled to sit up, pushing his hands away from her. "No, Gilderoy, we can't. I hardly know you," she breathlessly said, as she pulled the front of her robe closed.  
Slowly, he nodded, moving away from her. "I'm sorry if I was too forward with you, Sibyll. May I call on you tomorrow for supper again?"  
"Of course you may," she responded before actually thinking about it. "Seven, again?"  
"Sounds wonderful. I'll just show myself out, then." He stood, then picked up her hand, gently kissing the back of it. "Until tomorrow, my dear." He then walked out the door.  
  
***  
  
The evenings passed quickly, each ending in a more and more passionate kiss. Finally one night, three weeks later, she let him continue further. Always before when he'd tried to touch her, she'd push his hand away, he'd end the kiss, and they would call it a night.  
This night, when he put his hand to her breast, she didn't try to brush it away. He broke the kiss, and looked into her eyes questioningly. Smiling, she nodded, and he resumed his kiss, his hands hurriedly undoing the buttons of her robes. She felt him push the robes off her shoulders, and heard them fall to the floor in a soft hiss, forming a small pool of fabric around her feet, giving her an almost 'Birth of Venus' look, the cool air lapping at her bare flesh.  
As though she weighed nothing, he picked her up, and she vaguely heard him ask where her bedroom was. She languidly pointed in the general direction he needed to go, and soon she felt him softly lay her on the bed. Sighing, she gave herself over to him completely.  
  
***  
The next morning, Sibyll woke up feeling sore and let down. She had heard tales when she was in school of the awkwardness of the first time. Since no one ever looked twice at her during her Hogwarts years, she'd never had that first experience. So sex had become more and more romanticised in her thoughts. Sibyll built up in her head the beauty that would be her first time, the perfection of it.  
Last night had shattered those carefully constructed illusions. While Gilderoy hadn't been rough, he also didn't think about giving her pleasure or release. Oh, she knew that one was supposed to climax, and Gilderoy certainly had, but she had been left at the precipice, waiting to be driven over the edge into the waiting abyss.  
And now, he wasn't even here with her. She hadn't heard him leave during the night, and his absence hurt her deeply. Drawing the covers up to her chest, suddenly ashamed to be naked in her own bedroom, she softly began to sob. She was so focused on her feelings of abandonment and loss that she never heard the house elf enter her room until she spoke to her.  
"Miss Trelawney, your breakfast is getting cold, and I've come to clean your room." At the house elf's words, Sibyll slowly lifter her head from the cradle of her arms, looking blankly ahead at the wall. "Miss, is you all right? Should I get Madam Pomfrey?"  
Sibyll shook her head no, and then pushed the covers off her, rising from the bed. "Burn the sheets, Lozzy. I never want to see them again," she softly said as she pulled on the clothes she would wear to her classes that day.  
"Yes, Miss, right away." Lozzy began to strip the bed, pulling off the coverlet, blankets, and sheet. As she was removing the fitted sheet, Lozzy noticed the spots of blood on it. "Is you hurt? Maybe you should be seeing Madam Pomfrey."  
"No, Lozzy! I'll be fine as soon as I get to my classroom. Just take the sheets and be gone!" The house elf did as she was told, leaving Sibyll alone in the room. "Maybe I should shower before my first class, get the last lingering remains of him off of me before I teach," she mused aloud as she made her way into her sitting room. There in the table was a vase filled with poppies, with a note sitting next to it. She hurried over and picked up the note, and saw that it was from Gilderoy. Opening the envelope, she began to read:  
'Dear Sibyll,  
I'm sorry I took off so fast last night. I had forgotten that I had a person coming in to serve detention with me. I hope I didn't upset you. I'll see you tonight at seven.  
Love,  
Gilderoy"  
Sibyll softly smiled, then picked up a piece of toast, quickly eating it before making her way to her classroom, humming to herself.  
  
***  
  
If her students noticed anything, it was that their Divination professor was more spacey than normal. No one knew, or cared for that matter, that she was seeing Gilderoy. There were other things on everyone's mind, and that included Albus, who was so quick, usually, to defend those he'd rescued.  
The affair was still continuing on into December, and showed no signs of cooling off, at least to Sibyll's untrained eyes. Every day she found herself more in love with Gilderoy, while he seemed to love her back. Everything was perfect, and then came Boxing Day.  
For Christmas, Gilderoy hadn't gotten her anything, but that was all right, he didn't have to give her anything but his love. Sibyll had, on the other hand, given him what she believed to be the most precious gift of all - the news of his impending fatherhood. She still wasn't entirely certain, but she had always been regular with her cycle, and she'd missed November's and December's. When Gilderoy had heard the news, he smiled, though Sibyll never noticed that the smile didn't reach his eyes and that his embrace was suddenly stiff and stand-offish. She was deliriously happy, and she knew that he would be too, once he got used to the idea.  
That's why Boxing Day came as such a shock to her. Gilderoy had appeared at her door, early in the afternoon. She'd invited him in, but he refused, thrusting a velvet drawstring bag into her hands. "That should be enough to see it through Hogwarts," he said coldly, staring contemptuously at her stomach. "I think it's better if we not see each other any more, people might start to talk, and I don't want that kind of talk attached to my name. Besides," and here he went for the jugular, "you were only a conquest to me. Have a nice life, Sibyll." He then turned and left, while she continued to stare after him, unable to think of anything she could say to stop him.  
Her tears came, fast and furious, like a sudden summer storm. She closed the door to her rooms, and ran down the stairs, into the Great Hall, and then out into the garden, tears clouding her vision, causing her to stumble more than once, but never fall. Once outside, she let the sobs come, not trying to hold them back any longer. She never noticed the other person in the garden with her until they spoke.  
"Come now, Sibyll. Things cannot be that bad."  
"Oh, I didn't see you here, Minerva. I'll leave if you want." Sibyll turned to go, only to be stopped by Minerva's hand on her arm.  
"What's wrong?"  
"I can't tell you. You'd think worse of me than you already do," she managed to gasp out as the first sharp pains began to knife at her stomach. The pain was unlike anything she'd ever felt before, so intense that she doubled over from it.  
"Sibyll, what is wrong?" Minerva asked, a note of panic creeping into her voice.  
"Get me to Madam Pomfrey, quickly please, Minerva," she said, the pain and terror stark in her voice.  
Minerva conjured up a stretcher and laid Sibyll on it gently. She could not help but notice the blood that was left on the ground and that Sibyll had passed out from the pain, and a sudden knowledge of the situation gave wings to her feet. She levitated the stretcher and quickly ran into the building, the stretcher following her. Pulling out her wand, Minerva froze all the stairs and took the quickest route to the infirmary.  
Madam Pomfrey answered at the first set of rappings on her door. "What's wrong, Minerva?"  
"It's Sibyll, Poppy. She's losing her babe."  
"I didn't know she was pregnant. Or married for that matter."  
"Neither did I, but here she is. Help her, Poppy."  
"I'll try my best, but I make no promises."  
And try she did to get Sibyll out of labour. She tried everything she knew and had been taught, but it wasn't enough. Sibyll still lost her baby. Poppy cleaned Sibyll up and put a low healing spell on her.  
"She'll stay asleep for another few hours, healing physically. I don't know how she's going to be emotionally, though. Do you have any clue who the father was?"  
"I have one guess, and that's our resident Lothario. I knew Albus shouldn't have ever hired him."  
"Why would you think Gilderoy is the father?"  
"I-I have my reasons," she briskly said, not willing to tell Poppy that one night, during her hall prowling, she'd overheard Gilderoy talking into the fireplace in the staff room with his cronies, laughing about how he was using Sibyll. Yet the few times that Sibyll had come down to lunch, she'd seemed so happy, and Minerva hadn't wanted to destroy that. They had enough between them without adding that to the mix. "I'll check on her before dinner tonight." She then walked out of the room, fighting back tears of her own. 'As if having petrified students wasn't enough,' she thought as she made her way to her room.  
  
Sibyll didn't wake up that night, nor the next. On the 28th, she opened her eyes, and touched her stomach. As soon as her hand made contact, she knew that she had lost the baby. Silent tears coursed a path down the fine lines of her face and onto her pillow. She knew that she still loved Gilderoy, that she was holding on to her memory of the love she had for him. But she also knew she could wait until the sun refused to shine and he still wouldn't love her. "Besides, who waits forever, anyway," she whispered. In that moment, her heart hardened towards him, and she vowed to never let him hurt her again.  
  
***  
  
The months passed, and she healed, though she was never quite the same. After the holidays, she'd given Gilderoy back his money, telling him of what happened. He had seemed remorseful, but she wouldn't listen to what he was saying to her, so she never really knew how he felt about losing his child. And yet, through it all, she held on to the hopes that one day, she would find someone to love her for herself.  
  
***  
  
And in St Mungo's, there now resides a patient who can barely remember his name, why he was famous, or his time in school. He recalls nothing except the vague notion that once upon a time someone loved him enough to want to have his child. It is this memory of love that keeps him holding on. 


End file.
